Currently

In which I get selfish and write about myself and my life...oh wait, that's almost every post...

Keeping a regular Journal is not really my thing,

Despite the fact that I write a scrap of something in at least one of my sixteen (yes, sixteen) half filled notebooks everyday. (I like to tell myself each notebook kind of has it's own subject. This ones for spiritual thoughts, that ones for making lists, this ones for story ideas, that ones for blog post ideas, this one is for my favorite quotes from books, that one is for emotional feelings, this one is...yeah you get the idea.) 

But I was inspired by pinterest (ehehe) just to try some good old plain journaling (I don't think that's a word. Any way you should try this. It's kinda fun). 

1. Thinking: About life. The point of life. Some days, it's just enough to be a person and do normal person things like eat breakfast and read books and take walks and clean house and go to work. Most days, though, for someone like me, I am also thinking about why I am doing this or that, what the point is, if I should be doing something else, and if I really can be happy living this everyday, physical life, when something in my heart keeps aching and telling me how life is so much more than material things. It hurts so much just to be a physical human being doing mundane things sometimes. I am a soul with body, as C.S Lewis so accurately said. And living the everyday, minute by physical minute...it's achingly painful some days. I don't like it. Sometimes, I don't want to find wonder in this world, even though I know I should. This soul gets a little stir crazy inside this body, and gets the inexpressible urge to make that physical body scream or cry or throw something at a wall. Just because I am not enough, and this world seems to be not enough. "Find your place, Jillian. Let the blessings of this world make you physically happy but not soulfully content. Stop trying to do this shallow thing of finding all your happiness in a nicely decorated room or a new movie or good food. You know those things won't cut it, silly girl. Appreciate a marvelous mountain view, a vigorous hike, a good book. Appreciate and enjoy it all. But stop trying to fill up a eternal glass with a perishable water. This physical world is the overflow of our cup that runneth over with blessings...it is not what fills that cup in the first place."

2. Enjoying: Words. Bible verses, lovely quotes, new words, music lyrics, written words. Because they are something physical, something seen and heard, that represents something not seen. The body of a soul, I guess you could say.

3. Feeling: Sad. But happy. Because "Sad is happy for deep people". (apparently, this quote is from Doctor Who. And I haven't even seen Doctor Who. But this quote though. It's so accurate it makes my hurt heart)

4. Wearing: Um, Dark purple and turquoise. This color combo kinda makes me happy for some reason. For example, my blog header.

5. Needing: To study more of Gods word.

6. Wanting: To be Okay with my christian walk. To not be so perturbed by it.

7. Listening: To "the best of Epic Music 2012" on Youtube. Another physical thing representing the soulful and untouchable.

8. Making: Um, lets see. Oh, I'm sewing a coat that I designed myself. Slow going. I'm so gonna show it off on the internet when it's done though.

9. Eating: Well, currently nothing. But I did have a pretty good omelet this morning.

10. Drinking: A raspberry mocha. Okay, Okay,  so physical food can be pretty awesome sometimes....