Here's a jaw-dropper for you...I am female, therefore I am emotional.
No way, right? Betcha you never would have guessed.
My older sister told me a few weeks ago: "You know Jillian, I've been reading your blog, and you are really good at portraying feeling." (Thank you, sis, by the way. I treasure those little compliments)
And because I am emotional and so much of what I write has to do with all those feelings, I think it tends to look a little...mushy? Sappy? Melodramatic?
Sometimes I genuinely fear it's overdone. "Oh dear, am I being too sentimental? Will they think it's overkill? Am I a literary drama queen?"
One of these days, I keep telling myself, I need to buckle down and seriously write some good, sound, theological arguments on all my beliefs on God and not make it so flowery and tender and, well...emotional. It needs to be all boxed together and organized, with a generous sprinkling of" therefores' " and "herebys' ". It might even need to seem a little boring and dry. It needs to be grown up and serious, and for Pete's sake, lose all the italic emphasis' on everything!
Sometimes I honestly think, "Why can't I write more like a well educated pastor in his fifties?" All calm arguments and logical articles on things. Besides the fact that, duh, a twenty year old female is about the farthest thing from a pastor in his fifties, I genuinely convice myself sometimes that that's what my writing style should be more like.
In a word, things should be a little more....stable.
But really...I just don't think that's going to happen. Sorry folks, but I believe I will always write from the emotional roller coaster of female viewpoint. (Ooh, another shocker, right?)
Maybe it's too emotional. Maybe it's too tender. Too feminine or overdone. Maybe a little immature, wide eyed, idealistic. Perhaps it does focus too much on love and happiness and wistful thinking.
But when that is who I am, how God created me, and where I am at, how can it be anything else?
I'm not saying its right or wrong...maybe its right, maybe its very wrong.
It is what it is. God help me if that is not what it should be.
Every so slightly unrelated, I found a quote that perfectly sums up those feelings of the past few weeks that I have been writing about. Please. Enjoy.
"Sure. I'll make small talk. Discuss the ins and outs of a 'typical' day. Pass the time lightly. Say tiny things. I'm happy to tread surfaces with a smile, and will. Sometimes. Yet-when I look at you, I know there are layers.
Dimensions.
Collections of ancient wisdom.
Stories on stories.
Core needs.
Humanness.
This is where I light up. This is where I thrive. You can't be caged up in a pool for long. Not when you are someone who wants oceans." -Victoria Erickson
I don't think it's wrong at all! There's this wonderful quote that this post brought to mind: "Women of God can never be like women of the world. The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity." All of that to say-- your posts are wonderful just the way they are because they're reflections of you. Our faith isn't just logical; it's also a heart-level faith. Thank you for sharing the real-ness of emotions as you share your journey with the world :)
ReplyDeleteAlso--- that quote is just wonderful!
Thank you, thank you, thank you for that quote. I really needed to be reminded of that!
DeleteI really appreciate your posts, Jillian. I think it fits right in with the Titus 2:3-5 model. I mean, even though your posts may be read by women (or men) older as well as younger than you, I think the passage's emphasis is on older women encouraging younger women in practical application. Theology is certainly important; it informs us of God's nature and character. However, I think we all need some down-to-earth, nitty-gritty, friend-to-friend encouragement. The Christian life is so much more than a theological thesis; it's a day to day walk with Christ, through the emotional ups and downs, the great-feeling days and the days when we're hanging on for dear life. So, anyhow, Jillian, please keep at it. I have been blessed so much and I'm sure others have also. Your topics usually hit me right where I'm at. I am encouraged by hearing how you work through your emotions. :D
ReplyDeleteThanks to you, too, Emily, for that quote. It's a great reminder!
Blessings! - Becca Lee