Fragments of the Battle

In which are rather random and unorganized thoughts on the extraordinary life.

If you have read more than one or two of any of my past posts, you'll probably see a trend:

She wants to make a difference, she knows small changes, little things, are important. She knows she can't do that whole change the world thing on her own.

You wanna to know why I always seem to harp on this whole "change the world in little ways" thing? Drum roll...I struggle with the every day, with the small things. When something doesn't seem to have point, when it seems it's a waste of time, when I go out in the world, observe the people, driving in their cars, busy doing all their things, and its all material and I can't connect with them, it frustrates me. immensely.

Wait...we are talking about Jillian here, right? The girl who loves her little blessings and the simple life and the mundane tasks? The girl who does the normal things with joy and fulfillment? Who realizes that the everyday things at her fingertips are actually mind boggling? 

I thought all she wanted to do was write, read books, get married, and love people?

But you see, that's why she writes about the small stuff so much. Because she is trying, with Gods help, to embrace it.

I picture this: A woman who diligently does the extraordinary. All the the people she connects with, she touches in an unforgettable, fresh way, she leaves them with a slightly changed life. The type of person who, after you have a conversation with her, leaves behind traces of hope and strength the greatest of all...unconditional love.

She lives a life that is bustling with people, that sings of a job well done. Every thing she does, she throws herself into recklessly. She gives everything. She connects with people, does her level best to understand them. She realizes how blessed she is by God, how much God gave her, how much of a change God has made in her life, inward and outward. She lives those changes daily.  She decides she is willing to die for her family, if the need ever arose.

 Each moment is experienced to its fullest, dreams and thoughts are realized, blessings given and taken, joy comes from pain. Times of solemn reflection, even torturous, philosophical thoughts on God and Satan and the world and how everything relates. An ever passionate feeling, always excited for the amazing things that are going to come.  Everything she does has a purpose, has a goal to make improvement, somewhere on earth. She wants to burn bright, burn strong, stand out, give others everything. It is a life that could be set to This type of music.

Why can't I be an extraordinary girl in a broken world? Why can't I live the epic saga of life?
I fear boredom. I fear getting tired of this life, of the people in it. That is selfish. I do not want to be that selfish, so consequently, I should  afraid of the mundane, right? Because I should not be thinking of myself.

I know, even though I does not like it, that the way to live extraordinarily is to live the ordinary. To run the errands and babysit the kids and clean the house...even though it seems so... material. So tiresome. Pointless. Repetitive. But it has it's place, it's purpose. Perhaps that purpose is solely to be content with what I have.

I realize I am not special in this area. We all crave grandness. Why else do we, as humans, gobble up stories and movies and music that play with and pull on our emotions, and always wish for life to be more, well, grand? (On a side note, is it not grand that we have such a full and deep range of emotions?)


"...I'll struggle on, inspired that God has called me to this life -- not even this life in particular but to life in general. The life of creativity, of love, of beauty, of holiness -- and all of that at a high price of discipline". Bailey, MHJ