Here's a jaw-dropper for you...I am female, therefore I am emotional.
No way, right? Betcha you never would have guessed.
My older sister told me a few weeks ago: "You know Jillian, I've been reading your blog, and you are really good at portraying feeling." (Thank you, sis, by the way. I treasure those little compliments)
And because I am emotional and so much of what I write has to do with all those feelings, I think it tends to look a little...mushy? Sappy? Melodramatic?
Sometimes I genuinely fear it's overdone. "Oh dear, am I being too sentimental? Will they think it's overkill? Am I a literary drama queen?"
One of these days, I keep telling myself, I need to buckle down and seriously write some good, sound, theological arguments on all my beliefs on God and not make it so flowery and tender and, well...emotional. It needs to be all boxed together and organized, with a generous sprinkling of" therefores' " and "herebys' ". It might even need to seem a little boring and dry. It needs to be grown up and serious, and for Pete's sake, lose all the italic emphasis' on everything!
Sometimes I honestly think, "Why can't I write more like a well educated pastor in his fifties?" All calm arguments and logical articles on things. Besides the fact that, duh, a twenty year old female is about the farthest thing from a pastor in his fifties, I genuinely convice myself sometimes that that's what my writing style should be more like.
In a word, things should be a little more....stable.
But really...I just don't think that's going to happen. Sorry folks, but I believe I will always write from the emotional roller coaster of female viewpoint. (Ooh, another shocker, right?)
Maybe it's too emotional. Maybe it's too tender. Too feminine or overdone. Maybe a little immature, wide eyed, idealistic. Perhaps it does focus too much on love and happiness and wistful thinking.
But when that is who I am, how God created me, and where I am at, how can it be anything else?
I'm not saying its right or wrong...maybe its right, maybe its very wrong.
It is what it is. God help me if that is not what it should be.
Every so slightly unrelated, I found a quote that perfectly sums up those feelings of the past few weeks that I have been writing about. Please. Enjoy.
"Sure. I'll make small talk. Discuss the ins and outs of a 'typical' day. Pass the time lightly. Say tiny things. I'm happy to tread surfaces with a smile, and will. Sometimes. Yet-when I look at you, I know there are layers.
Collections of ancient wisdom.
Stories on stories.
Humanness.This is where I light up. This is where I thrive. You can't be caged up in a pool for long. Not when you are someone who wants oceans." -Victoria Erickson